Jizz In My Pants

I drive in my car, it’s sort of a necessity. I poked a hole in my cup and I… Jizz In My Pants.
You say I’m premature, but I just say it’s ecstasy.

So, I picked up a delicious Pina Colada smoothie at my local Smoothie King. Freakin’. Awesome. While pulling out of the parking lot this car decides he wanted to cut me off. So with my left hand I jerk the wheel to the left while holding my smoothie in my right hand. After I pass the rude car my wheel slams back to the right and my thumb trusts deep into the Styrofoam cup. I immediately pull-out (hold the jokes, assholes) and my amazing smoothie starts pouring out all over my leg.

So here I am looking like it’s Prom Night all over again, my hands are sticky and my child in the back of the car is laughing hysterically at me. I decided the smartest thing to stop the flowing river of expensive goodness would be to drink it as quickly as I possibly could to get it below the hole. So, I have jizz on my leg which looks like a Great Dane had a little too much fun humping my leg, my sticky all over, my kid is laughing at me and now I have the most painful brain freeze ever.

It’s perfectly normal, there’s nothing wrong with me, but we’re going to need a clean up in the driver seat.